Im the full cup, now.

caseymaeburns
Jan 29, 2021
3 min read

Updated: Feb 9, 2021

Full:

containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space.

Do you remember where you were, the first time you failed at something?

What about the first time you put all of yourself into a relationship/job/project- only to fall short?

Do you feel those memories vividly, or are they so distant you can't recall them?

Isn't it interesting how life is made up of all of these simple moments.

Though in the moment, we don't find them simple at all.

How do moments sear shame so deep in our souls we question who we are?

Have you lived your life in prison of thought like mine?

That made seeing my worth an impossibility? Drinking out of a cup always empty?

I lived, believing, feeling, and willing myself into an existence that not being good enough was all I'd ever be.

If all my choices defined the goodness I deserved, then what at all was I worth becoming?

Love was a direct reflection of the consequences of myself.

Love of all things, was a conditional definition.

I therefore, was not worthy of it.

How destructive that mindset was. How deceitful that type of teaching in religion is too.

But luckily, that is not where my story ended.

If only I could sit with you, I'd talk candidly about how freedom from thoughts I once was bound to feels.

I'd tell you all of the things that have changed, from then to now...

- All the definitions that have been redefined.

-All the lies formed in my young vulnerable heart that had to be unwritten..

-That my worth and life is more than sequences of wrong choices that define me.

That love, is in fact, not conditional, but so overwhelmingly unconditional.

That there is someone so far beyond my understanding, he chose to lay down all of his life for me, and you too.

That moments, simple, and fleeting, don't define us, because there's a Jesus who does.

A Jesus who's life alone, poured so deeply into ours, it all-consumes our emptiness.

and if I've lost you because I'm talking God & faith, please hear me out.

I ask of you to take one simple moment to breathe and ask yourself, when things get heavy, when life's hardest waves hit, when you are left empty, who or what restores you?

When you have no hope, is it only yourself you turn to and if not, why?

If we're constantly seeing a half empty glass, no matter how many things we try to fill it with,

how will we ever feel complete?

Are we nothing but simple moments? Are we nothing more than mistakes or successes that define us? Or could there possibly be a god, who loves us so much, that his love is not defined by the life and perimeters we box ourselves into, or him either.

We will change, we will fluctuate, we will fall short and we will succeed too.

We are ever evolving.

And yet in our choices, in our good, our bad, our in between and our unknown

there's a god that is invariable, unconditional, and unchangeable.

There is a god who fills our cup up for us, without us having the ingredients to do it ourselves.