Was he resurrected, so that I would live dead?

caseymaeburns
Apr 19, 2021
4 min read

resurrection:

noun · the act of rising from the dead. · the state of those risen from the dead. · a rising again, as from decay, disuse, etc.; revival.

One of the biggest struggles with mental health is the roller coaster ride, but you don't get a warning view point of the "drop" ahead. Some days you’re at the top of the hilI, life is beautiful and love is good. Other days you’re in the pit- it’s dark , it’s scary and it’s isolating. If you’re anything like me, I’d stay in the pit too long, and find myself digging a deeper bottom, only becoming more isolated , suffocating more, and the darkness only got greater. All the while screaming to the people outside the hole that "I don’t need a dang rope because, everything is fine”, even when it wasn't. And when I got to the point I actually start screaming for help, I was too far down, and no one is left to listen. It’s devastating and at the lowest moments, a completely hopeless feeling.

Holidays always brought huge mental battles. I'd hit hi's and low's, and half the time I'd find myself asking why is it that I’m so all over the place?

"Why am I trying to avoid falling into a pit, when there’s a mountain right beside me?"

"Why can I feel so happy, and yet also end up feeling alone, unloved and unheard."

I‘ve now realized it’s because I searched for healing in so many of the wrong places, for so long, and culture told me I should. The things that destroyed me are the very things I looked to for comfort, how backwards is that?

I thought for a long time, the way to "cure" my depression or anxiety was to simply fill my life with enough noise I wouldn't have a chance to feel or hear all the things my heart and mind was telling me. Our world, sure tells us to fill ourselves with noise. To fill our lives with things, with schedules, with commitments, work, all the stuff, that make us happy right?

But is that really where happiness lives?

Is that really why our souls search so deeply for more?

Let’s take Easter for example. When I strip everything away, remove the creatively colored eggs, the bunny ears, the perfectly packaged baskets and the neatly dressed kids in the photo I’ve begged for them to take, just to put on a pretty social media feed, what am I left with?

I'm left with the actual purpose, of what we are supposed to be celebrating in the first place.

The resurrection. Jesus.

That all the rest of the things listed above, really don't matter. And why should they?

Who am I or you trying to prove anything to, what am I really doing any of this for anyways?

If you are reading this, I don't know what you believe in, but I feel compelled to ask you these questions in the midst of another passing Easter season.

Especially if you play the part of celebrating the holiday,

at some point you will have to ask yourself the answer to these questions, and if you have any doubt of the final answers, I wonder if you'd search a little deeper.

Was Jesus a real person?
Did he die, and if so, why?
If there's even a possibility he was truly resurrected, doesn't that change everything?

I don't believe that Jesus went through death itself, to watch us sell ourselves and our souls to a "dead" way of living. To wrap our identities around our jobs, our houses, our things, our pretty social media boxes that mean absolutely nothing. When you die, will all your "stuff" matter. When I die, will any of my "things" matter? Or will how you/ I impacted peoples live's matter? Because finding our worth in being like everyone else, into fitting in, does that change our world? Is that truly freedom?

I believe that Jesus walked through death itself, so that I, and you, may live abundantly.

That our insecurities, that our darkest places, may be filled with his light. I have seen him fix, unfixable things. I have watched him restore things, that were so broken it makes no sense that they could be healed. I believe through his promises, we are meant to live life, compassionately, selflessly, boldly, humbly, fully. Without the noise of the world, but with the peacefulness of silence, there's healing in stillness. Because a hug from your child, a memory made with a friend, a smile from a stranger, those things are worth living for. Glorifying God's kingdom is worth living for. Laying down my life, for the good of someone else's is worth living for.

Even in death itself, there is life, and all that is good in my life has come from him.