When the god we've created doesn't meet our expectations.

God:

noun: (in Christianity and other monotheistic religions) the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.

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My soul , wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.

Psalm 62:5

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In this world, it is easy to take the concept of God and attach him to everything around us. We use generalizations, people, experiences to define him. We create our own idea of who he is, what he believes, through everything but his very own voice. We create our own definition of him.

Why is it when looking for god, we often seek people for our answers? Why is it we find ourselves bouncing from church to church unsatisfied, because not one “checks every box”? Why is it when we want change, we try to do it on our own, but can’t break our own habits, our own addictions, our own thoughts, if we have “power” to do so? What does it take for us, individually, to reach out to God directly?

God, beyond people.

Did you know the God of the universe, is above ALL people? His wisdom surpasses ours. His knowledge beyond our comprehension.

Jesus, not dependent on religion.

Did you know Jesus was persecuted by the religious? That it was actually the religious people themselves that wanted him crucified?

Holy Spirit, his power not mine.

Did you know that the Holy Spirit has been given to us, that each of us can receive him any time, anywhere, and he operates by his power and authority?

As the path of my life continues to be more clear and the lord straightens the way ahead for me, it’s been tempting to look back at the many years of mistakes, wondering why I couldn’t have found the narrow road sooner.

In a world built on accusations and not accountability, it can become easier in our lives to point a finger around us instead of pointing it within us. Sometimes, that finger even gets pointed at god instead. That has certainly been the case for me. It was easier for me, to believe, I was a victim.

For years I blamed the church, the religion(s), the people. A large period of my life was running, running away from the established religion, wanting to be completely disassociated from anything labeled “church”. I was running away from a God I had created, one I made my own definition of, not one I had deeply known. I had determined how he felt about me, the world, without actually having a relationship to know HIM. Sometimes, those of us who are the farthest away from god are those who grew up being taught about him. Sometimes those of us who grew up in the identity of a religion felt the most isolated and distant from god.

Why is that?

Well, because this world is broken. People are too. People should never be our saviors, yet we've all somehow placed them in our lives as such. We shouldn’t expect any specific person, congregation or an organization to be. The only one that holds true, who is good all the time, who doesn’t leave us, who doesn’t condemn us, is our God. Abba, Father. He does the saving.

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God

John 1:12–13

A god so loving, so forgiving, so merciful, he left HIS holy place, and brought his son Jesus down to walk the earth with us. Denying himself, Jesus, who had all authority and power, chose, in his own free will, to live a life completely surrendered. In utter humility and sacrifice, up to the very last breath of his life. A God with that loving power is unfathomable to us, and honestly in today’s world seems to be unreachable. Because we look for that kind of love, in people, not in him.

In the quiet hours of prayers, my loving father and I have had some conversations. Lot’s of them, actually. You know, that’s what he wants most...you to talk to him? You to ask HIM the questions on your heart? I promise, he is waiting, desperately, to answer them. And he always, always, has the answers.

“Why god?” , “Why didn’t I come to this relationship with you sooner?”, “Why am I just now finding my home in my faith?” “Why have I been so hurt, by those around me?”. Simply put, as loving as he always is, because I needed him, first. Because I needed to find him, first. Because I was looking at people’s faces, and not his.

Maybe the reason we run from church, we run from "faith" and organizations and people is because we have held each to a standard made impossible to withhold. We long in our soul for something more and so, in hope, we run to a church, a community, a person, to save us , to deliver us, to give us the answers we search for. And when, inevitably, we are let down, we throw in the towel and decide that must mean god, is actually not good after all.

We are simply people. God can and will use us if we give him that space, but that doesn’t mean we always do. It certainly doesn’t mean just because we go to “church”, “know the Bible” “serve a nonprofit” that we always ARE being used by him either. We make mistakes, we mis-step, we fall down , and still, there he is every time , picking us back up. Reminding us how loved we are and that every failure, every fault and every wrong move was finished and nailed on the cross with him. That we are not defined by our missteps and shouldn’t define others by theirs, either.

Just this very weekend, I completely forgot and missed a dear friend’s baby sprinkle because my mind was so frazzled on “my” priorities that on the day I forgot to check my calendar. That doesn’t sound something very “Jesus” like, not being there for a friend in a time of celebration and joy for her new arrival. God used that experience to remind me of this very obvious truth- I am not Jesus, and our good father knows that. Even on my best days, I have a lot of growing to do. We NEED him. Daily. Hourly. Moment by moment, to compel us to be better. To be more loving. To be more patient. To be kind. If we could be as pure, as non self-focused, sacrificial, as loving, as kind, as non-judgmental as Jesus, what need would we have for him and his spirit? What need would we have for a personal relationship with God, our father, or his love for us?

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

But….GOD (not man, not pastor Joe, not sweet grandma Jane…GOD).

DEMONSTRATES (clearly show the existence or truth of)

HIS OWN LOVE(his personal, his profound, his very own love)

FOR (with the object or purpose of) US (you , I and everyone you know or don't )

in this: while we were

STILL SINNERS (WHILE we are committing offenses or faults)

CHRIST DIED (Laid down his life. Sacrificed his personhood, his future, his ambitions)

FOR (with the object or purpose of) US (you , I and everyone you know or don't )

He LOVES us, beyond our understanding. If you don’t think it breaks his heart to watch how we judge each other, mistreat each other, anger, quarrel, covet, take advantage of... then you haven’t searched long enough to understand WHO GOD is. He wants ALL of us to operate out of the love, the power, the joy, the freedom that he offers to each of us. But, we choose whether or not we do that. He doesn’t brainwash us into the choices we make, we make them on our own.

As we grow closer to the lord, it is our calling to bring people to Jesus, not ourselves. As a follower of Christ, my goal in even writing this is so you can understand the heart of god and run to it. Run to him first.

Ask him the questions in your soul. Seek him to heal you.

He will give you the answers. He will straighten the path ahead. He will heal, reveal and deliver. But, we have to take the first step TOWARDS him, to do that. Don’t let your perception of people get in the way of your relationship with him.

And to end on this last note, yes, there are good people out there. There is hope. There is joy. People that are the most loving, kind, influential people you will ever meet. It will be undeniable when one of them crosses your path. The lord, in his powerful love, wants you to know him through them. He will place them in and around your life, if you ask. He wants to. But ultimately you must seek him first, and remember the rest of us are merely humans.

We all need grace, we all need a savior. Luckily, we have one and it’s not ourselves. Find him.

To know him, is to love him. To love him, is to receive him.

It is that love that will shine forth from you to others.